Sunday, October 28, 2012

Have I Got A Deal For You!

First off, I know it has been about 3 months since I last posted, and before that it was spotty at best. I have heard about it from all three of my readers, so I do apologize. The move to Seattle fell through, and now I am in Minneapolis, so a new city, and a new job have taken up a lot of time. I feel as though I am getting more organized and will have more time to write. This brings me to this great opportunity I have for you all!

I have this entertainment product that people love, and will go absolutely nuts for. Its not for everyone though, but the people that do like it are rabid and will pour attention, and more importantly money into it. With it being a niche product though I will be only focusing on the core markets where it works, Canada, and in America, but only the northern Midwest and Northeast. I will be controlling the product and business side, but will be franchising out to anyone who wants in, pending my approval of course. I will also control all labor decisions.

Once the business grows, and it will, as I said these markets are rabid for it, I will look into expansion. I will only look to expand to the biggest markets though since the product will not be popular there. However, I predict with all the transplants from the core markets and the high populations, enough people are bound to get hooked!

I just had a phenomenal idea! We will tell these new markets about how great our product is, and tell them if they build shiny new stores for the franchises, they will attract so many customers it will be ridiculous. I mean even if the people in these new markets don't like our product and have no history with it, people cannot resist a shiny new store! Also, to ensure some of these newer markets will embrace our product we can move some of the more popular and successful franchises from Canada, the Midwest and the Northeast.

There are so many franchises in the Northeast, the one in Hartford can move to North Carolina. I mean sure it will be the fourth product at best down there, but there are SO many franchises in that area as it is, jut so greedy to keep it there. Also Winnipeg doesn't need a franchise, they have a bunch of smaller ones in the area, and enough franchises remain in Canada for those Manitobans to support. Also, Phoenix is one of the fastest growing markets in the U.S.! It can't miss!

The franchise in Minnesota really doesn't need one of our franchises, they have enough amateurs to support their markets need for our product. The good people of Dallas, Texas need a franchise. The Province of Quebec is being greedy as well. Two teams???? Please, Colorado needs one. They had one previously and it didn't work out so well, but lets send them a franchise on the cusp of really taking off, that will instill long term support.

You know who does need two franchises though? Florida! And Hell, lets put two more in California as well. The one in Los Angeles has done alright. There are so many people in those two markets, we are bound to make tons of money. We will need dump trucks to haul it to the bank! At this rate we can also put new franchises in some bigger markets such as Atlanta, Nashville, and Columbus, Ohio. Atlanta had a franchise that failed, but no way will it happen again!

Uh-oh. I just thought of something. With all this expansion and growth, our employees are going to want their fair share of it, after all they are what makes this whole thing work. We will have to start charging our customers more. This will not be a problem in our sore markets though. Those saps will pay anything to get our product, no matter how bad the quality gets, especially the ones in Toronto!

Although...this might create another problem. This will be a long shot though, the longest of long shots, but lets just say hypothetically our franchises in these new markets who barely know about our product, don't fall for like shiny new stores, and won't buy our product, especially if we raise prices. Perhaps we could take all the profits we are making from the franchises in our core markets, and prop up the not so successful ones. This might affect how much we are able to pay our employees and I for one am not going to let my poor decisions affect my income!

Oh my God! How could I be so stupid?! The correct answer is right there in front of me! We will just lockout our employees until they agree to take less money for working! Its a win-win for us, we keep making money and we can keep the franchises in the newer markets that might not be so profitable, afloat until they really take off and make piles of cash!

Oh geez, one more potential issue: our customers? If they aren't able to get our product, especially the ones in our core markets, they might get angry and fewer will come back once we open our doors again. What to do, what to do? Meh, F**k em, they will come back...right?


  1. i have an idea for a name for your new product, you can call it The NHL. That name was used years ago, but they were mismanaged and went under.

  2. Apply that to the rest of business that likes to take advantage of their employees and their "fans" "customers" and my sentiments are the same that you write about.